Las relaciones de pareja no son sencillas y, a veces, llegan a su fin. Pero no sin costo.
Es, sin duda, de las experiencias más difíciles que experimenta el ser humano. Sin embargo, no cuenta con reconocimiento social. No le damos el lugar que le corresponde a ese dolor que transita quien le toca terminar una relación de años.
La cultura no dice que el matrimonio es para toda la vida, y aunque hay cosas que están cambiando, recién es el inicio. Mientras tanto, las personas en edad de divorcio, lo arrastran…con un impacto en su sentido de sí mismo que cuestiona todo lo que antes era indudable.
Desde lo social, No hay rituales que acompañen a la persona en su dolor. Todo lo contrario! La presión del grupo de amigos/as de “SALÍ! DIVERTITE! SOS LIBRE!” invalidando su pesar…haciendo que ese sentimiento de soledad se agrave.
La finalización de una pareja trae incluido un duelo atrás que hay que atravesar, más allá de quién haya dado el punta pie inicial de la decisión.
Ambas partes sufren, si bien es cierto que ese sufrimiento puede ser a destiempo y por cuestiones diferentes…o similares.
El divorcio o ruptura de pareja constituye una pérdida: pérdida de un vínculo profundo; pérdida de la idea de familia que construimos tal vez a lo largo de nuestras vidas; pérdida del estilo de vida; de los amigos en común; del vínculo con la familia política…de la casa en común.
Contrariamente a lo que la mayoría de la gente intuye, el duelo por ruptura de la pareja dura, confrecuencia, bastante más que el duelo por muerte de la pareja.
La irreversibilidad de la muerte, deja al vuido o vuida, lejos de la fantasía de recuperar ese vínculo. Se interrumpe de forma abrupta como un masazo que deja a la persona de frente con ese vacío irreparable. De cara al fin, sin opción a confusión.
En cambio, el proceso de divorcio, justamente es un PROCESO. Y en ese ir y venir; pensar y re pensar; tomar decisiones que son pueden ser paulatinas o abruptas, pero también factibles a ser interpretadas por el otro como una reacción, o una amenaza…deja la posibilidad de la reconciliación abierta…prolongando el duelo que a veces cuesta aceptar y arrancar.
En suma, cual sea la posición que toque en dicha ruptura, ambos sufren y los cambios son abrumadores. Pero lo que más me importa destacar es el escaso apoyo social del que cuentan los miembros de esta pareja en disolución. Tanto es así que ni siquiera se sienten habilitados a pedir ayuda. Ni siquiera a sentir o a reconocerse a ellos mismos necesitarla. “NO SOY NI EL PRIMERO NI EL ULTIMO QUE SE SEPARA”, “TENGO QUE ESTAR BIEN”, “VOY A SALIR ADELANTE”…Todo es cierto, pero no hay lugar para la tristeza, el dolor, el replegarse a pensar…rápidamente metemos debajo de la alfombra para que no se vea…Y NO NOS VEMOS…no nos ven. Seguimos…
Y con esto último, dejo abierta la pregunta para hacernos en cuánto a nuestro rol, como red. Hay un cambio que está esperando ser activado…Me pregunto cuántas décadas harán falta para ello.
Lic. Verónica Selem
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